So, I need to write a book review today. At least a rough draft. It shouldn’t be too hard, I think, but getting going is a bit clunky right now. That’s what I get for not writing for so long! I suppose that’s why I’m writing this before getting the ball rolling.

I want to post to this blog more often. I’ve been neglecting it far too much, and it’s feeling starved for words. Making personal posts in addition to topical pieces would make things easier for me. The problem isn’t the production of ideas, or even the act of writing, but the fear of is this really what I want on my site? There’s too many interests on my radar and every blogging site say niche this, niche that.

Well, I don’t have a niche! Not yet at least, and I’m quite impressionable so, naturally, I get stressed out about it.

Words aren’t coming very easy today. I feel very distracted and restless, and I’m unsure what to do about it. It’s that kind of restless boredom that just can’t be brushed off with a show, work, or hobby. It’s such an uncomfortable mental state. My parents like to comfort me with, “at least that means you have more energy than before,” and sure, they have a point, but that doesn’t solve the problem.

I’ve been writing for 15 minutes and I’ll try to write this for another 15 more minutes like I told myself. I can’t imagine how it’d feel if I had a job on top of this. Can’t imagine what it’s like to have a full-time commitment like that in general.

Honestly, I can’t wait until I can commit to a job. I’m the kind of person who loves to be a busy bee, and the satisfaction of looking at completed work is unbeatable. That’s part of the reason I adore drawing and writing and crafts! I remember when I was obsessed with knitting, and just the meditative state I would fall into while I invested myself into it and then the feeling of a tangible product of my labors afterwards. 100% recommend getting some nice yarn, a pair of needles, and stitch your worries away, by the way.

Ah, this was supposed to be a focused stream of thoughts but I can’t seem to fall into the flow. I’ve been writing for half an hour and I’ve only got a little over 400 words here. I dearly hope writing up my book review won’t be such a struggle. It always pains me when I want to write about something I care about, and am obligated to do so (this one’s for the Blogging for Books program), and my brain refuses to cooperate.

The pains of chronic illness and the psychological consequences suck, man. Perhaps I’ll lay out an outline today instead so the rough draft won’t be so difficult to complete.

I do have art projects to work on today, at least. Being more experienced in art and its struggles makes it bearable when I have a bad drawing day or whatever. Hopefully I’ll get to that point with writing someday. In the meanwhile, it looks like I’ll have to just deal with the difficulties of habit building in writing.

Hope y’all are having a good day and I hope to get back on here with that book review soon!

*This post is unedited and I don’t plan on changing that. It’s a ramble, afterall!

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